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rp
Jul 6, 2018 6:33:41 GMT
Post by god on Jul 6, 2018 6:33:41 GMT
Name: Ben Dex
Alias (if any): Ice
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Affiliation: rebel
Physical Appearance: Brown short hair, sunglasses
Personality: dull and a little sadistic, chill, he is kind a nice, very sarcastic
History: his parents died at a very young age, he ended up living in an orphanage for 15 years, until on his 16th birthday he got adopted by a man, he looked nice and acted nice. but when they got home he made him be his butler and clean the house and do chores and nothing else, until one day Ben got fed up and yelled at him as loud as he could, and razor sharp ice shards came from the ground and stabbed his father. He became scared and ran away as fast as he could. He lived under a bridge and learned how to use his ice powers, but as he used them he became colder and started not caring about dead as much.
Power: Ice, he can make ice shoot from the ground, he can shoot in from his hand, he also can't go near water or it will freeze
Drawback: He is harmed by fire, or anything warm
Strengths/Weaknesses: he is amazing with hand to hand combat, but anything else he won't do so well in
Likes/Dislikes: he doesn't like hot stuff, people, all around just pretty much everything, he does like death, he thinks it is funny
Fears: he is afraid of going near the ocean because he thinks he will fall in and the water will freeze around him suffocating him, other than that he is afraid of fire
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rp
Jul 6, 2018 12:18:46 GMT
Post by Head Admin on Jul 6, 2018 12:18:46 GMT
Alright, so, you have a start, I just need a few things fleshed out first:
His appearance and personality need more to them. Some ideas to help you along in fleshing out his appearance: What is his build like? Eye color? Height? How does he carry himself? How do others normally perceive him? Any distinguishing features? Tattoos, scars? It doesn't really matter what you add, but I just need more than what you have right now. Try taking a look at a few other profiles for an idea.
Also, what is his personality like? How does he act around friends? Around foes? Put yourself into the shoes of the character and try to flesh them out some more. Right now, this doesn't necessarily meet the quality standard, but with a little work, I know you can make this character into something good.
Reply to this thread when the changes recommended are made so that another staff member can take a look.
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rp
Jul 6, 2018 15:02:35 GMT
Post by god on Jul 6, 2018 15:02:35 GMT
Name: Ben Dex
Alias (if any): Ice
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Affiliation: rebel
Physical Appearance: Brown short hair, sunglasses, red jacket, small red shirt that doesn't cover his stomach, black pants with red stripe on the end, other than his clothes he isn't very nice to look at, he is very malnourished all of the liquids inside him have frozen except his blood making him very weak, but he somehow manages and stays alive, even though he is weak he is strong, even though he doesn't appear to be, he can take quite a beating before giving up.
Personality: dull and a little sadistic, chill, he is kind a nice, very sarcastic , he doesn't give up often, he is mostly very serious, he doesn't like being helped and will usually just say "I had him" if he is helped, even if he is fighting against someone with fire he will fight none the less, He has mostly given up on life, if he is dying he might not give up then either, he is a try hard
History: his parents died at a very young age, he ended up living in an orphanage for 15 years, until on his 16th birthday he got adopted by a man, he looked nice and acted nice. but when they got home he made him be his butler and clean the house and do chores and nothing else, until one day Ben got fed up and yelled at him as loud as he could, and razor sharp ice shards came from the ground and stabbed his father. He became scared and ran away as fast as he could. He lived under a bridge and learned how to use his ice powers, but as he used them he became colder and started not caring about dead as much.
Power: Ice, he can make ice shoot from the ground, he can shoot in from his hand, he also can't go near water or it will freeze
Drawback: He is harmed by fire, or anything warm
Strengths/Weaknesses: he is amazing with hand to hand combat, but anything else he won't do so well in
Likes/Dislikes: he doesn't like hot stuff, people, all around just pretty much everything, he does like death, he thinks it is funny
Fears: he is afraid of going near the ocean because he thinks he will fall in and the water will freeze around him suffocating him, other than that he is afraid of fire
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rp
Jul 7, 2018 3:46:42 GMT
Post by Zero on Jul 7, 2018 3:46:42 GMT
Alright, so, we've got a couple more adjustments to be made here.
First and foremost, the mutation will need some work. From what I can see there are a few things about it that need to be adjusted. First and foremost, the fact that his insides, aside from his blood, are all frozen. If this were the case, his body would be very brittle. In fact, he wouldn't quite be durable at all, a single hit would be enough to cause some serious damage. Physically, he'd have a very hard time moving, let alone performing close-quarters combat. I'd say trimming this out would be for the best.
Speaking of the power, expanding upon it would be good. For example, what are the limits of it? Does the ice need to manifest as anything in particular? What is the extent to which he can manipulate it? What is the maximum range of it? Answering these and expanding more on the power would be for the best, that way any potential RP partners will have an idea of what Ben here is capable of.
As for the next subject, the personality. There are a couple of contradictions here and there, not to mention if feels a bit disjointed and unusual. For example, he has given up on life, but refuses to give it up if the opportunity arises. Not to mention heavy amounts of seriousness and sarcasm tend to clash quite often. It would be good to work on this personality a bit more.
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